August 28, 2009
The palace, the chandelier, the paintings! And that was him standing there!!!
It was uncanny! Unbelievable!
This was the exact dream she had had since childhood!
Their eyes met. It made her head spin.
If only she had believed in her dreams and waited.
Now there was a husband to return to after the conference.
PS: Not original or even translated because its a story I once read in an english woman’s mag long time back. But worth sharing. In my own words.
August 26, 2009
I am mostly a ‘lets agree to disagree’ type of a person in case of a disagreement. That’s how a Shahrukh fan who thinks Aamir is an MCP and an Aamir fan who thinks Shahrukh over acts, is over rated and is manipulative and shrewd co exist in our household. To give another example, whatever little I have read of Jodi Piccoult, I have not liked her. I don’t like the forced twists and turns and she comes across as a writer who purposefully emotionally manipulates the reader’s feelings to churn out a tearjerker in 3 months. But I can understand her popularity. I think I know what people like in her novels even though they are not my type.
But there are times when I cannot see why someone would like something.
I am talking about the award winning, made into a movie novel, ‘The time traveler’s wife’ (because the movies RDB and Dilli6 call for two separate posts). So lets just stick to the novel here.I hated it with a fury of the 1000 suns and for the life of me cannot understand what’s there to like. But I keep on reading one blog post after another saying good things about it. And now I cannot take it any more. I have to rant.
I had so many issues with the book that I am not even sure I would be able to list them all. I like science fiction myself and time travel is one of my favorite sci-fi themes yet a book that tells me of a person who time travels, talks to his past self, requests a pick up from his past self and does unmentionable things to/with himself and tell us most of us would do it if we had the opportunity!!!!!! WTF!
So at any given time there could be 1000s of me (of different ages) in the same place. Especially if it was an emotional moment, say for example, the birth of a child. If would be involuntarily drawn back and drawn forward to that moment in my life because of the emotional impact it had on me, I would be there in that same room at different stages of my life. Such as when I meet my husband, my daughter turns 1, when she starts Pre School, when she starts college, when she gets married. So there is a possibility that at age 29, I am interacting with a 24 year old, 30 year old, a 33 year old, a 45 year old and a 55 year old me at the same time.
The author just shows interactions between current and one future or one past. But she says chronological displacement syndrome is a disease that involuntarily pulls you to important people and moments from the past and future. Especially at times when you are emotionally charged. So why is the scenario I described not possible? Our noble hero keeps on going to an accident site at different points in his life. Does it ever happen that his past version and future version reach their together. So that’s not possible? You can only have 2 versions of you talking to each other and doing ahem stuff to each other. An orgy is unthinkable?
Suppose its possible but the author did not want get bogged down by the technicalities of it. But lets carry for the sake of argument carry what I am saying further. 10 of me in a labor room in 2006, joking together, telling each of us what’s happening in our lives, asking who currently has the car to get a ride and 9 different versions of me flirting with my husband of 2006 because umm we are married. Oh 9 women (or versions of myself) hitting on my guy is too complicated. Lets assume its not scientifically possible. Lers revert back to the simpler world. let’s just assume two versions from different points of time like the author does. The 24 year old who got displaced into the future and the 29 year old who is knocked up and knocked out due to all the drugs. So is it okay for a 24 year old me to leave the guy who I just met and come to this labor room and flirt with a 33 year old because he is the same man that I left as a 24 year old??? And its okay for the 33 year old to get carried away coz WTH he surely remembers me from his past. Double WTF! The author is saying that its not cheating as long as it’s the same person at a different point in time??????? So how should the 29 year old react when she wakes up????? Oh you just kissed a younger version of me (who has the figure I can never hope to have now) but it’s all cool because it wasn’t another woman but a younger me and I did the same thing to you when I was 24 by kissing a 26 year old you and a33 year old you. So serves me right.
What I described above is the story line. The author does not see any moral issues here. The man in the book leaves his 40 year old wife (involuntarily, oh that poor thing) and goes and makes love to her 18 year old version. He even says something to the effect of I had forgotten how Claire was at 18 when her body was free from the marks of multiple miscarriages. He says something like I like Claire at 18 better because she loves me like a puppy and does not fight with me like Claire at 40. What a love story! Your wife fights with you. You love her too much too divorce or cheat. Just disappear every 15 days and go see her at 18 and come back rejuvenated.
Also, how you would like it if a man in his 40s came naked to visit a child you know at age 7 telling the child that they are married in the future and she should keep that a secret. Do I need to say more???? Even if the man is telling the truth and has no intentions to do any thing unrespectable (unless you seduce him at 18), is it an acceptable thing to do? Would you ever want to meet the man of your dreams that way? Would you like a book that told this story?
At one point the noble man says to the girl, he will never tell his younger version (even though they meet and have drinks together on a regular basis) that there is a girl out there who he will eventually marry and he should seek her out. Because he wants them to meet naturally.
So then, why does he tell the girl and never let her explore other options while his younger version is going out with a new girl every week?
Without waiting to get answers, lets go further into the plot. Our man is not alone in his misfortune of finding himself naked before pretty girls when he least expects. Apparently as it will be discovered in the future, the disease CDP (chronological displacement syndrome) is pretty common. Does each one of these people goes back and buys lottery tickets to get rich while working a librarian. Or the brilliant idea just struck this noble man who did it for his beautiful wife.
And then his daughter gets the disease too. Now lets assume that your own birth holds some significance in your life so you are drawn there again and again. In the example I gave about add 10 versions of me and 10 versions of my daughter in the labor room. Now don’t say that you don’t get transported back to moments you can’t remember for doesn’t the four year old come to visit a 2 year old in the book?????????
So who has the answers for me. I am totally lost and would love to hear from every one who loved the book why did you love it. What is it that you liked?
What am I missing here?
August 26, 2009
The one day that I do not skim through the paper because it’s getting more boring by the day due to the health care debate coverage, I almost miss:ThisBut I did not miss it thanks to the husband who read it online and shared with everyone (on where else but facebook )
Has it ever happened to you when you read something and go ‘hey that’s all I ever wanted to say, how did you get into my mind’? I had one of those moments when I read it.
It was good to get some validation from a source I love to hate.
August 18, 2009
So if your almost 3 year old is craving something that you know that they don’t need at all, what do you do?
How many conscientious parents will just give it to them just because you don’t want to break their heart? Not many, I suppose.
Well! I did. After 4 days of deliberation. After 4 days of being evasive and saying we will get one from the store next time. After 4 days of reasoning that she doesn’t need it, I finally gave in.
All I can say in my defense is it was hard for me to say ‘wait till you actually need it’ or ‘why don’t you earn it first’ or ‘Santa might give you one on Xmas’ or ‘It will be your Bday gift’.
Because the object of her lust was a ‘bambaid’ on a non existent scratch on her knee.
Past week has been full of false accusations to get the said object. So her dad accidently brushes her knee when they are both being couch potatoes munching peanuts and pat comes the accusation ‘papa, you hit me’. Papa says sorry. But that’s not enough for her. ‘Gimme a ‘bambaid’ now’. Papa and Mamma look at each other and say ‘No its okay, you don’t need one’. Mamma is told numerous times how she has an owie and needs to put a ‘bambaid’. Mamma keeps ignoring for (4) days .
And then suddenly on a whim, her heart overflowing with love and mind exploding with logic (this is not something I want her to earn), gets one from the first aid box and hands it over.
The way she squealed with delight and the way she said ‘caniholditfirst’ and caressed it with her fingers, when she offered to put it on her knee made it worth it for mom.
And as soon as the ‘bambaid’ was on her knee, the information she was holding on to was revealed. “I look like Ashley. I have a ‘bambaid’ “,were her first words upon acquisition.
Yep. It’s true. Peer Pressure starts this early. She is still 2 weeks shy of turning 3. She is already coveting what others have. And what’s my share of responsible parenting?
Sending her to the daycare in a skirt instead of jeans because what’s the use of getting something that you wanted for so long and not being able to show it (off).
I almost died of shame and guilt (and even offered an explanation to an uninterested teacher giving her the logic cited above) when as soon as we entered her class, she ran to Reese and showed her knee to him. And as I was leaving the class, Reese was seen looking at his knee and mumbling something about having a scratch too. I can almost envision his conversations with his mother this evening.
Hopefully she will have more sense.
August 10, 2009
Posted by G.K under family
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Q: How did the Saas and Bahu get along so well on the cruise??????
A: For once in their lives, they were in the same boat*
* I know. Predictable! But I just had to get it out of my system.
August 7, 2009
We have all heard the phrase: The more things change, the more they stay the same. On the face of it, it sounds illogical and absurd, doesn’t it?
Well! Let me tell you something. Truer words were never said.
With all the technology, the social networking sites, the cell phones and the iphones that the heroine in the 1970s did not have access to, a modern day heroine is still wondering if she has to resort to what this woman in the 1970s did to get the hero’s attention.
Between 1970s and 2009, things have not changed much on that front. Most women can sing the whole song just as it is with one minor substitution. Sure both men and women have naukris today. But women don’t let that fool you into believing that the song is reminiscent of sexist old days and things have changed. Because they haven’t. Put your feminist glasses on. Yes we all work or not work by choice, yes men share the chores at home. But for the most part, its only men who bring their naukris to the dinner table. Because they can afford to. Sure you sometimes work from home. But you take however long it takes and get done with it and forget about work and come back to your family. Because somebody needs to be present “in the moment”. The manager at home was and is still the woman. She doesn’t have a choice.
I know I am this crazy feminist who likes to question innocuous things. So in accordance with my reputation, let me give you something to think about. Though it’s highly improbable. All studies by men show that women biologically don’t like to have some time to waste and love multitasking. After all, their brains are hardwired to multitask. Its not a skill they acquire to survive but a genetic trait. They will not do one thing at a time even if they could. Right? Yeah, I thought so. So here is the wild thought. Do you think that it’s possible that the modern day heroine thinks and feels just like the modern day hero (gasp!) and she might also like to check her mail like every two minutes but she doesn’t because like I said even when there is no work somebody needs to be in the moment. It’s not about unequal division of chores. It’s about being present not just physically but also mentally. Whether they like it is besides the point because the point is, women still cannot afford to see the world function (live by staying online 24/7). They just get to see the recorded version once or twice a day. And that’s why the reality has sunk in. They know the world won’t crash if they were not checking up on it. Sadly that’s not the case with most men.
(*Unrelated rant begin*
If you are a newly wed (less than 5 years and/or no kid woman) about to tell me how completely “lost”, “clueless” and “irresponsible” you are and your husband is the ‘in the moment’ guy who is always making sure you don’t forget your wallet, keys, credit card at unexpected places. Been there done that. Let’s talk in five years. Just a word of advice. Stop putting yourself down. Most people are forgetful, careless once in a while. But they don’t go about advertising it. If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will. And If you really are super careless, super forgetful, that’s nothing to be proud of either. Your husband deserves a partner not a child. And you deserve a partner not a parent. So stop gushing about your total lack of responsibility. But if/when you grow up and you are still relatively more clueless about how the house functions in 5 years, then congratulations. You are the hope for tomorrow.
*Unrelated rant end*)
So as I was saying at least one person in a household of any size has to stay mentally alert. Present to know what’s going on. So when the children are glued to the TV sets, the man is making sure that the world does not fall apart by his absence, it’s the women who has to answer the doorbell when the milkman or the gardner arrives (Men..you see the potential risk, right? Wake up before its too late). And may be she does it by choice. Because frankly the recorded versions of the glamorous world outside every few hours is enough for her. She has no desire to virtually live in that world. She does want to be right in that small room making sure that the children are not too close to the TV sets. But even though one person as a manager is enough and you don’t really need another one, it does get lonely sometimes.
So here is the song that she can recycle from the 1970s by just substituting laptop/blackberry for naukri
On behalf of all women who fight with inanimate objects for the attention and affection of their men. Dedicated to all men who think that they have nothing to fear from the Gardner. Or the milkman.
Hai Hai yeh majboori,yeh mausam aur yeh doori
Mujhe pal pal hai tadpaaye
Tera do takiyan da blackberry
mera lakhon kaa saawan jaaye re
Kitne saawan beet gaye, baithi hoon aas lagaaye
Kiss saawan mein mile sajanwa, woh saawan kab aaye kab aaye
Madhur milan kaa yeh saawan hathon se nikla jaaye
O tera do takiyan da blackberry…
Prem ka aisa bandhan hai jo bandh ke phir naa toote
Are blackberry kaa hai kya bharosa, aaj mile kal chhoote, kal chhoote
Ambar pe hai dhara swayam aur phir bhi too ghabraye
O tera do takiyan da blackberry…
August 6, 2009
I joined toastmasters again. I had quit because I changed jobs and walking 20 minutes each way every week when nothing depended on it was beginning to feel like too much work. But I realize now that I need to do something about my lack of initiative. I mostly manage not to make a fool of myself and even enjoy it if spotlight shines on me. But I never seek it. I wait for things that will get me noticed to come my way rather than go looking for them.
I got to change that attitude. I have always relied on external motivations to push myself. I’d never get out of bed if I didn’t have a job and a child to look after. It’s true. I need the compulsion reaching to work at a certain time to motivate me to get up and shower (One of the reasons I hope I never have to stay at home- It won’t be very hygienic) I need the in-laws to visit to get me to clean. I need my belief in karma to be good to others. Why don’t I do things without the fear of things external to me?
So far reading and blogging are the two things I do mostly for myself. Nobody cares, nothing depends on it and I do it without fearing judgment. Now I want to add toastmasters to the list. My job does not depend on it. The world and its in-laws do not care how many ‘ahs’ and ‘ums’ ‘so you knows’ and other fillers I use when I talk.
I enjoy speaking before an audience and getting their reactions. My very first speech before an audience, I was asked if I have been doing it for a long time. Today, at this new club, they asked me the same thing . They told me I am a natural.
Public speaking is not an issue for me. Even though I had never done it before joining toastmasters the first time, it comes easily. It’s like talking to multiple people instead of one. And talking has never been a problem. The challenge for me is to stay motivated enough to finish 10 speeches and volunteer for other roles.
The goal this time is to have a formal speaking role every week. Speak Every Week is my new motto.
The goal is to never pass up an opportunity.
The goal is to say ‘I’ll do it’ every time there is a role that needs to be filled up.
The goal is to go from ‘talking to an audience’ to ‘performing before an audience’ by adding vocal variety and facial expressions.
The goal is to take part in every contest that happens even though I know I will fail. The goal is to push myself and aim beyond what I know I can comfortably achieve. And that’s something I have never done before. I never set myself up for failure but may be I am underestimating myself or may be I am preventing myself from exploring new sides to my personality because I don’t want to fail. So I will participate in the humorous speech contest that happens in a few weeks. As you can tell from my posts, I can do serious but I don’t do humor except for a few self deprecating funny remarks here and there. So I will go for it. Nothing is at stake. Except my dignity. And I plan to maintain it even while failing.
Wish me luck!
August 4, 2009